The following is a True Story…

It was unusually humid in Southern California.  Mid-September, purportedly the last vestiges of summer in the town of Fontana, was proving to be a quite uncomfortable time.  The moisture hung in the air so intensely, the Durlak family on Reservoir Road was struggling not to succumb to exhaustion while lamenting the fact that they had chosen not to put in that lavish backyard pool so many years ago.  Even though the pragmatic decision was still a good one, it would be so refreshing right now!

Each family member found themselves challenged by these conditions in their own way.  Ed, father of the family, had recently lost a great deal of weight and was getting into the best shape of his life as he neared his 47th birthday that Sunday.  He was a bit of a late bloomer to be sure, but had finally stuck to a fitness routine that saw him in the gym at least 5 times a week, in addition to walking and playing tennis outdoors.  He had increased his metabolism and become a fat burning machine, which meant he tended to break out into sweat quickly when doing anything.  Heap the sweltering heat on top of that and Ed found himself carrying his fitness towel around with him everywhere and changing shirts often lately.

Meanwhile Julie, Ed’s lovely wife, had her own burden to bear.  You see, she had been working at the local power company for many years.  Her role had changed over time and these days she found herself in charge of the call center – ensuring wait times for customers were minimal, call history was properly archiving systematically, and that the phone lines remained open during peak volumes.  As one would properly speculate, weather like what they were experiencing locally would mean a spike in calls.  Outages impacting air conditioning would be unbearable in these conditions, and folks were sure to phone in to complain.  In addition, Julie had decided years ago to volunteer the Durlak home for a “cycling” plan with the power company.  This meant that in exchange for a reduced rate, the air conditioner could be shut off remotely by the power company for hours on days when demand was high.  Unfortunately, several days during this miserable weather week had seen the cycling program utilized.  So, the Durlak’s suffered without air conditioning, meaning poor Julie got to hear it from customers at work and the family at home.

Jennifer, Julie & Ed’s only child, was trying to make the best of it all as she usually did and get on with her day that Wednesday.  She had classes in the early afternoon at the local community college where she was studying child development.  Like most 20 year olds, Jennifer was figuring life out in pieces here and there, while still clinging to the passion of youth and the zeal that young people have naturally.  With that, of course, came the usual drama of friendships/relationships, life planning and video gaming, all tied together in a web of social media that was both connective and exhausting at times.  Like dear old dad, she was not a fan of the current Fontana climate and felt a little sluggish and distracted as she opened the garage door and slipped into her little Chevy Spark to head off to higher education.

Jenny had been driving for a few years now, but only to school and back and around town.  She wasn’t supremely confident, but not dangerous either.  She’d failed her behind the wheel test a couple of times before getting her license and even had a fender bender at school – typical stuff for a teenager and to be expected by her parents, who purposefully got her a smaller car that was easy to handle and kept her off the freeway to avoid anything serious going wrong.  Maybe some of this was even running through Jenny’s head as she remembered her lessons with dad and started to back down the driveway toward the street.

Just as she was turning, someone yelled out “No! Stop!”

Down at the logistics company where Ed worked, an already challenging day was about to get a lot more interesting.  He was a quality manager in the midst of an audit by his customer.  Ed knew he was in for a long day, starting out at the gym, then jumping into the all-day audit, and finally wrapping up with a customer dinner.  In addition, there was the usual workplace drama to sift through – as the “go to” guy and local peacemaker in the office, poor Ed just seemed to have everyone’s work and personal problems, all needing urgent solutions of course, thrown at him constantly, even when he was trying to avoid them like the plague.  No such luck on that today, as he fought the good fight on various fronts.  

Getting in shape had helped Ed keep his energy up in times like this, but even his steady resolve was challenged when he got the text from his wife Julie – “Jen has just backed into our Postal Carrier”…

Now texting, like all forms of instant communication that doesn’t happen face to face between people, is a wonderful message delivery system with one fatal flaw – variety of interpretation.  Ed, upon receiving this text, assumed the worst and immediately called Julie back.  No answer on the work desk line.  He tried Julie Cell phone #1 (her work cell) – no answer.  He tried Julie Cell phone #2 (her personal cell) – no answer.  As panic started to set in with visions of a downed postal worker in his driveway, Ed made a (somewhat embarrassing in hindsight) calculation in his head of just how damage a small Chevy Spark might do to a human body – maybe not that much? One could hope!

Having failed in that moment to connect with Julie, Ed knew it was time to get Jennifer on the phone directly.  Thankfully, she answered after two rings.  Even better, she seemed very calm.  But then, without having addressed what actually happened yet, she indicated that the police had just arrived to take her statement and she needed to go.  Again, Ed found himself alarmed by the ominous nature of that comment, but fought to remain calm as he asked – “Jenny, did you hit the mail carrier or their car?”

As Ed readied for the answer, his mind went to where every parent’s does – “if this is nothing, we’ll laugh about this and if this is bad, we’ll get through it together because I’ll always love you.”

“Geez Dad, I just hit her parked car, barely.”  

Something along the lines of the Hallelujah chorus played in Ed’s head and he plopped down in his work chair with a mixture of relief and, now that he knew it wasn’t serious, curiosity.  He got Jennifer to tell him a quick synopsis before releasing her to the police.  

It seems, the postal carrier was coming to the door to drop off a postage due notice for a parcel they were holding at the post office.  She had left her vehicle and was walking up toward the front door as Jennifer was pulling out into the street.  Jenny had been having issues keeping the Spark on course when backing down their curved driveway.  She was also going too fast and turned too hard, causing her car to veer on the street in such a manner that she bumped fenders with the Mail truck.  The Postal vehicle was sturdy and incurred negligible damage, but the Spark had a nice dent to show for the effort.  Along with the scars from the earlier accident at college, the little yellow car now had a few war wounds to boast.

Aside from the fact that no one was injured in this accident, another positive Ed noticed right away was just how great his young daughter was handling this situation.  The police had arrived along with the Postal Carrier’s Supervisor and also a few neighbors looking into the situation.  With her parents nowhere in sight, Jennifer was doing all the right things and staying in control of her emotions to boot.  This was one of those real life moments and Jennifer was up to the task.  So much so, that Ed and Julie were able to take care of their own business that day and the family re-grouped together later in the evening.  The conversations were effusive in their praise for Jennifer & it was a shining moment in her development into adulthood to be sure.  Next day, Ed and Jennifer practiced how to safely get out of the driveway and onto the street a few times with much success.  Sure, they would be notified at some point that the insurance rates would go up a bit, but otherwise the matter was concluded.

Except for that package…

What, the Durlak’s wondered, was that all about, postage due, and a substantial amount – fifteen dollars.  That Saturday, they trudged clear across town to the remote post office to straighten it all out.  It took the mail folks quite a while to even find the package and Ed was told that someone paid for “priority” mail but put it in an “express” envelope and that’s why so much postage was due.  Also, there was no return address so the options were to pay and take it or it would go to the lost mail black hole forever.  Ed said for sure he was paying and taking the package, there was no way he wasn’t going to see what this thing was after all of this drama.

He walked out with it and rejoined Julie and Jennifer in the car.  He explained what he learned while holding it up, displaying it like some sort of rare artifact culled from history.  They waited for a moment before opening it, ratcheting up both their expectations and curiosity.

“Well,” Ed said.  “I hope this is worth it.”

He pulled the tab off the mailer and, with great anticipation, pulled out the small box inside…  

Exploding Kittens – A Card Game.   

Along with a post-it note from Ed’s sister wishing him a Happy Birthday…

“There you have it – this must be the greatest fucking card game ever!” 

  ☺ THE END ☺